I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
