Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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