everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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