dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
