Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
