the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
