Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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