We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
