OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
