I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
