just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
