sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize