I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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