I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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