i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The dick lei will go down in squad history
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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