watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize