i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
