I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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