tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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