I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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