dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
