i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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