Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
