I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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