I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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