Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
