I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize