She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
