Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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