Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
