YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
