I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
