Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize