It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Damn victory sex feels great
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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