And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
