Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
