My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
