it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
