she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dick very happy bro
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
