Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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