so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
