i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
