Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
