your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
