So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
