Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
