She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
