yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
