If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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