I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize