I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
