I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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