I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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