I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
