We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
