i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
