It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
