Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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