Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
