She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
