sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Vodka?
Forever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
