just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
