Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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