i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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