I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize