I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
