you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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