3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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