Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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