I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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