I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
