I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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