sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
