today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
