I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
