Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
