Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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