so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
