She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
