worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
