I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
