So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
