can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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