Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
